"Why don't we write a post for first time flyers?" She suggested. And I, supposing this would go the way of most ideas, said," Sure!" while thinking it would fall under the bridge, as did our idea for getting churches to open recycling centers, and making our own paper from dryer lint. But alas, no. This one is a trifle easier than those two boldly ambitious ideas, and this one will make the cut.
Hence, the post you hold in your hands.
As an experienced flyer, I remember the first flight I ever took, a red-eye from the west coast to the east coast. Back in those days (1978 as far as I recall) they actually offered passengers an inflight meal that was included in the ticket cost.
Tip #1 Don't expect to be fed. Peanuts, pretzels (or, not and) individually wrapped shortbread cookies are standard offerings. You will be offered water, juice, soda or coffee and tea. Anything else you pay for. The airport food is abundant but pricey.
Tip # 2 Expect some turbulence, or not. Yeah, the plane moves and jerks. And sometimes it's still as death. Its a wierd phenomenom that as you reach the cruising altitude and crusing speed (and you'll know this because the pilot/captain will announce it) that it feels like you're not moving at all.
Tip # 3 Along with the announcements you will hear from the cockpit, expect never to have a woman pilot. Well, I'm sure there are a few, but if so, I've never heard of a single one.
Tip # 4 Expect to hear strange, differing noises. There are often engine noises that crop up from time to time, and the landing gear coming up and down on hydraulics is eerie the first time you hear it.
Tip # 4 Bring foldable legs. I'm pretty sure that they install all the seats closer to each other every year, to pack more people in. Standing up in your seat is not a real option. Trust me on this one.
Tip # 5 Be prepared to balance all that inactivity in your seat with lots of walking in the airport. They've moved everything so far apart, that you will probably walk a mile or two inside the airport just to get to your gate, or to your luggage.
Tip # 6 Plan to hear a few bad landing jokes from the flight crew. The best one I've heard one was "It's his first landing" after a really rocky one. They weren't kidding. But on that note, don't make any jokes about terrorism. Not unless you want to extend your stay in the airport.
Tip # 7 You really do have to take off your shoes. so wear some that are easy to remove. The security line does not in any way resemble a dressing room.
I'd love to hear about your first flight, or your thirty first!
Happy Jet Streams!!
